In 2014 when I went to a psychologist for the first time and she asked me why I wanted to see her, I made a comparison. I told her my ideas are like abandoned horses (jade). People who live in big cities are not familiar with these horses in Anatolian regions. Their owners aboandon them because they aare old and useless and they run around on the empty valleys. I thought my thoughts were scattered like these sad, abandoned horses and I couldn’t get them together.
The quarantine period has become some kind of an inward process. This gave us the opportunity to observe our thoughts more. When we have gotten the chance to take a look at what’s lurking in there, a lot of things have surfaced. According to my first hand experience our minds are not a safe place. What can we do when our thoughts are scattered all around. First of all remember that thoughts give themselves away. Even when you’re not aware of what you’re thinking your body’s aware. Let’s find out by asking some questions.
BECOMING AWARE: It would be good first step to answer the question how am I feeling, what am I thinking? Am I feeling all right? Am I anxious? Then perhaps I have thought of too many anxiety enducing thoughts. Am I tired? Maybe I worried too much about things I have no control over. Am I stressed? Maybe I have felt I am forced to do things I don’t want to do. Where do I feel uncomfortable in my body? Is it in my abdomen, shoulders, on my back? Our bodies our affected negatively when our thoughts and feelings are in a relationship. When our thoughts become feelings and we are trying to overcome those feelings, our body starts to react. Sometimes these reactions surface as simple discomfort and sometimes as we ignore them they become serious illnesses.
KEEPING CALM: When we become aware of our negative thinking, our first reaction is usually running away. This is the stage we become victims of addiction; alcohol, drugs, social media, shopping, overeating etc. We try to ignore the feelings and look strong. But there is something we can do instead of running. Instead of getting on the back of that thought and galloping around, we can sit on the side and be the eye of the storm. We can watch that thought with calm. We can check if it’s true or fiction. We can check if it’s a story maade up by our ego or if it’s reality.
FORGIVING: Unfortunately becoming aware of our negative thoughts and keeping calm may not be enough. Because you don’t really know what to do with them. It’s not pleasant to find out your mind is a minefield. That was one of the reasons that brought me to a psychologist at 34 years old. I was angry with myself, I felt abnormal. It was as if everyone else was happy and I was the only unhappy person on the planet. Moreover my life was great, why did I suck at being happy? Because at that time I felt I was different from everyone. Today I know that we are all connected. I didn’t know it back then. It was impossible for me to love others while I didn’t love myself. So after you become aware of your thoughts and you question them with calm you need to forgive them. You are not weird, wrong or broken. None of us are. All our thoughts deserve forgiveness. Because we can’t forgive others without forgiving ourselves first, it’s time to change our perspective with the people we’re mad at. If our thoughts are not reliable and we’re not sure if they are true, how can we rely on our anger’s motives?
IT IS WHAT IT IS: You are now the eye of the storm. When lightning strikes and thunder starts to accelerate your heartbeat, when everything seems to go out of control, when your thoughts are like wild horses running around the valley, imagine yourself as the eye watching everything. You are the ey of the storm. Look at what’s going on. What’s going on in your mind? Which thought disturbs you the most right now? Question it, can you trust it’s real? Or is it and old belief or something you have been taught? Now’s the time to thank it and send it away, it’s time to forgive it. Now’s the time to forgive yourself. Everything happens so that we can continue our path. We don’t decide the length of the path, we don’t decide what we come across on the path. We decide how we react to what we come across. Whatever comes your way trust what is. Something that looks negative at first will turn out to be for your own good.
Let thoughts and feeling go by. Instead of getting mad at them and feeling powerless, be the eye of the storm, watch them, question them, understand them, forgive them and let them go. Sometimes your mind can be stormy sky, when the storm is over clouds will go away and the sun will come out again. Then you will enjoy the beautiful weather. If another storm breaks out you can watch and learn. Isn’t that better than galloping in an empty valley only to get struck by lightning?